I, the Snowflake.

Sparkle.

Shimmer.

Twist. 

Fall.

Scatter.

Silent.

Alone.

Liquid

I see right through you.

You are liquid contained.

Shaped by the walls.

Slanted and chipped.

A blurry mix of truth and lies.

A water color reality.

I watched you run right through.

Dripping until you burst.

you run off the page.

You have become your own concoction.

A mixture of Blacks and grays.

Of everything you ever lied.

Drowning in your ignorance.

And now it’s the last drop in an empty cup.

Here’s to you:

poison liquid contained.

Your glass will break.

Shatter and crack.

And the life you have now,

Won’t ever come back.

A Lyrical Lie - her favorite song will say more about her than she will -

First lines of songs into a poem:

Is anybody out there?

I'm sleeping my way out of this one.

All these miles, haunting memories in my mind

I just can't Relax and rewind

Everyone is a let down

The walls fall down around my heart

Just walk away with all I have

Two boxes full of you, labeled with your name.

Cheer's Darling, Here's to you

If I fell in love with you, would you understand me dear?

Two hundred miles away from home

Where are we...What the hell.

I'm Not lovin you, way I wanted too

Your bitter goodbye is ringing through this quiet night

You're all I ever wanted

Take it back, take it all back now

I found myself Wrong again

I weigh three times my body

I just heard the news today

I have you breathing down my neck

And all our secrets are dead and lost

I Look back on all the things I've done

And I'm crying without tears

I guess it's luck but it's the same 

This is my goodbye.

I wish you freedom.

Singing you a song from The angel who disappeared. 

Truth?

And now you know too much.

A Take on Reality.

His lips pressed on hers the way they always did. 

Just enough for her to feel the pressure, but feel nothing at all. 

She knew he tasted different.

He smelled different.

His smile cracked the wrong way and his arms felt hollow.

She could feel the miles between their hearts, 

Prisoners of their chests. 

She was going to say it this time.

She was going to ask him who She was.

She wanted so badly to clear the fog from his once pure blue eyes, 

but as the question crawled up her throat - from the bottom of her heart -

the world began to tremble where she stood.

And she knew he couldn't catch her if she fell.

Just as he pulled his lips from hers, she decided not to.

She convinced herself not to.

And the distance only became space between them 

as he pulled his hand from hers 

and walked toward the life she knew nothing about.

As her earth quaked, her heart would slowly break.

She knew.

He had no idea.

Here & There

--

My hands trembled.

and he didn’t see.

I didn’t want him to.

that night we said nothing.

in the tucked in sheets of his bed.

the whites and reds fading in the blackness.

and maybe it was the silence, 

that held all those words we couldn’t say,

Because they didn’t fit.

Not in the space between our twisted legs and our soundless promises.

My heart beat way to fast.

because I felt it all, 

Melting to colorless.

And he didn’t feel it,

Splashed amongst our lungs,

Screaming regret and indecision.

He didn’t feel...

all those moments I held on to

just a moment to long.

and this one...

that didn’t fit.

My tears falling.

Colorless.

So he couldn’t see.

I didn’t want him to.

Because they didn’t fit.

--

And you’re surrounded by the tables

filled with faces you will never know

In a place that you go to escape.

and you’ll close your eyes and let the lies

seep into your veins.

And all the empty tables scream your name.

But no one here knows your name.

This is the time when you arrive 

and no one’s here to see you’re gone

this is the time when you collide 

with the time and the place you have known.

--

(D# Minor and the Indecision) 

The strings laugh in perfect tune

Playing His escape from here in perfect harmony

He’s not saying anything 

The notes say it for him

Deep and dark and barren

And dressed in black he plays notes of every color

Purples and blues and grays and blacks

A synchronization of resonance and feeling

And this fingers move to the next glittering chord.

His face hollow as he disappears into the refrain  

He doesn’t tell you what he thinks

But the acoustic sounds whisper them sweet.

A chorus of broken promises in minor chords.

Indecision and D# minor.

Perfect resolution for his poignant heart.

--

The city lights gleam like a promise through the thick mysterious sky filled only with emptiness

The hum of fast cars and night life weaving through the street lights and the alleys

The murmur of the city blazes through the silence of the darkness

The brake lights screaming “stop” in the mixed mess of cars tangled between the painted lines

The building lights burn orange on the blanket of blackness

There are no stars in this sky.  No heaven shed light.

Just the vacancy of what was and the blatant reminder of what now is.

Man Made Attractions.

Just the fake luminescence of the street lights

The stars lost in the eerie glow.

The sky promises no tomorrow.  (And who knows what tomorrow promises)

The street lights burn on. And the jumbled license plate numbers don’t heed.

The city lights gleam like a promise through the thick mysterious sky filled only with emptiness

Somehow we’ve defeated darkness, and we have lost true light.

--

(Letters from My Childhood)

Boys are different than girls I guess. I thought the only difference was girls have long hair and boys like to eat worms and stuff. But that’s not what my teacher said. She said that boys and girls have different parts on their bodies that are special to them. I don’t think she knows what she is talking about. I counted and Dylan has ten fingers just the same as I do. Maybe she was confused.

Dylan is my brother. I guess we can’t be in love and stuff is what my mom said. He wanted to grow up and marry me cuz I’m the bestest sister in the whole world. We like playing hide and seek. He makes me mad cuz he always skips the numbers when he’s counting. Maybe boys are missing the part of their brains that count.

I told Dylan boys are bugs. And girls don’t like bugs. He got sad and cried. That might have been a little lie tho. My mommy said not to lie. I used to go out under the swing set and put bugs in a jar in my room. I took the bestest care of them. They always died. Maybe that’s why boys and girls are different. Every time a girl tries to take care of a boy maybe he dies. I don’t want Dylan to die. Unless he breaks my toys again or keeps missing numbers. It’s so hard to hide that fast. 

--

last night I saw you in my dreams

and it just wasn’t real

last night I held you in my arms

i couldn’t get myself to feel

last night I felt my heart break 

and i didn’t know what to do

last night I wrote it all down 

and it didn’t add up to you

What I’m feelin

when I’m feelin

doesn’t feel right 

tonight tonight

if I’m sober

when its over

it wont feel right 

tonight tonight

--

Last night I wasn’t really sure

so I didn’t pick up the phone

last night I drank to much 

so I walked home alone

last night I let it all go 

and it all came crashing in

last night I wrote it all down

and I didn’t know where to begin

November Never Tells (things I wrote in November)

--

Lungs Basically Bleeding,
We sit in the silence.
Ears humming noise that no one hears.
Lifelines Intertwined, in the sweaty palms and entangled fingertips 
The moon hanging on it’s shelf in the sky.
Stars dangling on the branches of infinity. 
They disappear under the city.
The big dipper pouring the clouds onto the streetlight speckled horizon.
Silenced we head for man made attractions.
Just Breathing.
White lines swaying with the cement.
Curves and twists of the drive.
Building lights burning orange on the blanket of black. 
Hearts still beating the pulse of what has been.
And all that’s left unsaid, is ringing in our ears.
And all that’s left to find, is dancing with the stars and the clutter of the cars. 
Buildings tangled in the sidewalks.
I am Just Breathing.
We disappear under the city.

--

She closed her eyes and dreamed in paragraphs.

of sentences she'd already sung,

and ones she had not yet begun.

Reality a fragmented disaster.

and there was always that space,

right before the punctuation, 

She fell through the lines on the page.

--

Screaming Different Languages

They sing far to loud.

I can't hear them.

--

I don't have what you want

I don't have what you need 

I will try so hard,

But my heart, it just won't Bleed.

I don't know what to say

I don't know what to do

I will try so hard, 

not to fall right through.

--

Silent tears are the ones that burn the most. 

Falling so gently in the quiet of your room.

Your arms wrapped around me.

and I am so confused.

And they fall without warning. 

And they seep into your sheets. 

I fade in to the darkness.

Silently you sleep.

Why can't I just sleep.

--

And what if anything that means anything

all got torn apart, 

by the ones who came before you...

and took slow stabs at my heart. 

and I'll give it all to you, 

that that is no longer mine,

what I gave away far to soon, 

That night he crossed the line. 

--

Which way is up?

When I'm always looking down.

I close my eyes 

and slowly 

I melt into the ground.

I can not see anything, 

but the color of my shoes

maybe I wouldn't be this way, 

If I hadn't been so used.

--

I don't trust this

I don't trust it

I'm just too real

this ain't my deal

I won't trust this 

I won't trust it 

I am just a rebound

Waiting for a break down

--

I hope you never see the things I've seen.

I hope it's only pretty things that haunt your dreams.

--